Get Your Arms Out For The Lads…

This is my favourite time of year; the nights are lighter, there are daffodils everywhere, Love Island is just around the corner and women are made to feel like they’re doing it all wrong.

Scrolling through Instagram earlier I saw loads of ads aimed making women feel a little bit shit.

The best one was ‘Have bare arms in 14 days’.

Now then, I have a few questions about this.

Why will it take 14 days? What kind of complicated Crystal Maze-type top do you have to own for it to take 14 days to put on? What if I want to have bare arms now, what if I brazenly get my arms out right now, what will happen? I’m already pushing it by being 46 and wearing a top with three quarter length sleeves, are the fashion police on their way right now? Who will look after my children and hide them from the shame of having a mother who dared to show her arms??

I’ve discussed (ranted about) this before, here, where I complained about being called brave for having bare arms. Do men get called brave for having their arms/legs out? I’m genuinely interested. I suspect men are made to feel equally as inadequate, just in different ways.

But for future reference, you can stick any bare arm advice up your arse, along with any article about how I can get my body beach-ready in time for summer. My body is already beach ready, thank you very much. All I need is an actual beach and some hot weather and me and my 46 year old, bikini-clad body are all over it.

I’m also being targeted at the minute by plus-size fashion ads, which is fine, except there are NO PLUS SIZE WOMEN IN THE ADS. How does that work? Who signed that off? What exactly is a plus size woman anyway? That suggests that it’s a woman who is more than the normal size, but what is normal? Who decides that? Were any women asked? Do we have minus sized women’s clothes? What happens if, like me, different parts of your body fall into different categories? Which misguided ads do I look at??

I’d say all my female friends are normal size, yet we’re all different. So how about just making clothes that fit all sizes of women without labelling and separating us, and showing us normal women in ads and on TV and in films etc. And while we’re talking about this, we were watching something the other night that had lots of naked people in it (don’t judge me, it was art, innit) and I noticed that there were no big breasted women. Where are all the big breasted women on telly?? Where have they put them all? Because you never see any. Is there some kind  of Logan’s Run – type situation going on in TV where once your breasts go over a certain cup size you get incinerated?

Unsurprisingly, I’ve discussed (ranted about) this before too, here, because if you see a big breasted woman on TV then that’s all she is, there’s no room for anything else, maybe because her breasts take up ALL the space. Or something.

You never see a ‘normal’ character who just happens to have big breasts, not that it would work anyway. Imagine a police drama with a big breasted main character; bullet proof vests are designed with men in mind, so that doesn’t work and there is too much running around. And you can’t have anything with a sex scene with big breasts in it, because big breasts don’t behave, they don’t stay where they’re supposed to, it would be a logistical nightmare.

(Now I’m trying to think of another example just so you don’t all think I just watch Love Island, police dramas and things with sex scenes in, but in all honesty that does kind of sum up my TV watching habits…)

So women, get your arms out, wear a bikini if you want to, love your body. Our bodies are amazing, they can do some amazing things and they can make you feel amazing things and the one you have now is the one you’re stuck with, so don’t take any notice of the society that makes money from making you feel like there is always a better you around the corner. Don’t keep putting things off until you look like what you think you should look like.

And if you have small breasts, wear a bulletproof vest and run proud, do it for the rest of us.


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